garden paths

toilet first on the left

toilet first on the left

Something seems to be happening to me.  Maybe it’s age-related and so, along with the hormone that spurs nasal and aural tufts, there’s a chemical cascade that propels me into the back yard to get all horticultural.

Some context: our back yard is a jungle.  A small tribe held together by the absolute belief in the sanctity of the abandoned shopping trolley and we’d be none the wiser.

There’s something immensely satisfying about reeling in yards of thorny blackberry stems, unearthing a patio or discovering a WC that’s so old it was actually manufactured locally.  Whilst my body is pottering, sawing and carrying, my mind is free to wander and toy with ideas.  Some of my best ideas happen here.  This could be down to the endorphin high or perhaps the rate of oxygen to the brain (cycling or walking produce a similar state).

By contrast, when I’m at work and stationed in front of the ‘puter, the vast proportion of my time is on problem solving.  My attention is trained on the task in hand, traversing a tree of problems which branch into sub-problems and so on.  Even if I take a break, I’m still selecting from a set of links and buttons,  See…click..see….click…  like a lab rat searching for a neurological payoff.

It’s only if when I ditch the choose-your-own-adventure structure that the bigger ideas have room to step forward and quietly introduce themselves.

brain buffing

I’m in day 2 of a classic bout of flu.  So I’m steering clear of web server admin and directing my delirious attentions here in a sort of cursory round-up.

It’s been a busy week-and-a-bit with the new job.   All the grappling with new stuff leaves my synapses frazzled but I can feel my neurons getting leaner.  My curse of distractability is getting a battering as feeds go unread and my social networks are shamefully neglected.  I’ve no time at work and when I get home I’ve no inclination.  I’d rather polish brass while my head cools off.

There’s something particularly satisfying about restoring nice stuff that’s been abused.  Kind of like bringing in a rescued cat but without the hair-trigger claws and pools of piss.

friday feeling

Returned to regular nine-to-fivery yesterday, starting on a Friday for administrative reasons.  Lots of being introduced and instantly forgetting names before getting myself and my desk detritus installed.

Plush lunch with new colleagues: steak, wine and strawberry ice-cream on the top floor of staff house.  Like many campus buildings, it seems altitude is tied to seniority and privilege.  You can amuse yourself for a few seconds, like I did, imagining the chancellor’s pad at the top of the clock tower.  Almost makes the arduous graduation ceremonies worth it.

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iPhone 3G vs N95

As my N80 once again burbles its dying charge and I brace myself for regular employment again the time is clearly ripe for a switch of mobile.  When I got the N80 it was the hottest thing around with a large display and wifi.  It was also uncharacteristically unstable for a Nokia but I put up with it for the features.

This time, there are two phones vying for the top slot: the Nokia N95 and the iPhone 3G.  I’m not really a feature anorak so I’m airing my reasoning in the hope it’ll become apparent if I’m talking absolute bollocks.

An inveterate ditherer at the best of times, I’ve received arguments against the iPhone on principle and for its inevitability.

SO, let’s make an objective albeit cursory comparison at CarphoneWarehouse and at Vodafone shop.  Funnily enough, CPW doesn’t do Vodafone and Vodafone (not being O2) doesn’t do the iPhone.

iPhone

Recently relaunched with more features on a reasonable tariff, it’s not just for Apple fan boys any more.

Cost: £35 a month for 600 mins, 500 texts and unlimited data.  £99 for 8GB or £159 for 16GB (out of stock)

Pros: Achingly sexy.  Unlimited data plan for free. Twice the screen resolution of the N95.

    Cons: Crappy camera at 2MP with no flash or movies.  Needing to move to O2.  Handing my locked-down ass to Jobs.  Feeling like an iSheep.

      N95

      The incumbent king of the smart phone from good old Nokia.

      Costs:£35 a month for 600 mins and unlimited texts.  Phone comes free.  Unlimited mobile internet offer (normally £7.50 a month).

      Pros: Too many features to mention.  Can get on my existing network or any other.

      Cons: Chunky, although less so than the N80.

        Conclusions

        The iPhone is a fantastic multimedia player and internet device with a built-in phone.  The N95 is a fantastic phone with the most built-in features.  Both suck power down like nobody’s business.

        Over 18 months an iPhone 8GB is likely to set me back at least £729 plus accesories.  A Nokia N95 8GB will extract £630 from me.  Is the iPhone £99 better?  Not sure.

        There’s another option of course.  I could stump up for an iPod touch in addition to the N95.  Currently going for £180 on Amazon.  That’s £810 for an awesome mobile phone plus multimedia/net device…

        Open questions

        • Am I wrong?  Does the iPhone actually rule as a ‘telephone’?
        • Are my costs spot on or am I missing something out?
        • How does the battery life compare?
        • Is 8GB enough or should I stretch to a mighty 16?

        spam scan and solution

        Did a scan of the Spam folder this morning to see if anything was slipping through the net. Only one false positive (a Flickr notification) but I learnt a lot along the way:

        • Paris Hilton Infested With Cockroaches
        • Paris Hilton Charges For Pussy
        • Cats skinned alive in Alabama
        • What would a “PhD” title do for your resume?
        • Eminem found dead in disco toilet
        • what a stupid face you have here sixball
        • Do not click if you are a loser
        • Strength male voices
        • Vulcan!
        • Blair: Im Not Gay, Thats Just My Accent
        • Afghan bombing kills President Bush
        • Iran Kicks America In The Nuts
        • Iran declares war on Iraq
        • Aliens Abducted By Michael Jackson
        • We caught you naked in the shower sixball
        • Horse kicks Ralph Lauren in stomach
        • Bomb her womb from your huge cannon!
        • Learn backdoor lambada
        • Dog digs grave for owner
        • Real men do not play games, they win!

        Inspiration being the green shoot that springs from the mire of tedium, i conceived the perfectly logical (and gleefully impractical) solution to spam.

        Spam only occurs because it is economically viable. It’s only viable because of a base of mindless responders. Therefore, for the overall health of the medium and 99.9% of its users, I propose users are regularly challenged to demonstrate mental capability.

        Nothing to taxing or frequent. Something along the lines of ‘Budapest is the capital of which european country?‘ will suffice. Anyone who consistently gets questions like this wrong should be ushered onto MySpace where they can be safely accommodated.

        art with knobs on

        modern art is rubbish

        modern art is rubbish

        The planets aligned last weekend and we took the chance to take a mad touristic dash around London (why is everyone in London or Edinburgh lately?).

        The weather was fab. Some of the attractions, less so.

        Walking along the South Bank, the place was littered with ‘living statues’ or whatever the hell they’re called. There’s a gap as wide as the Thames between a professional mime artist and some silver-sprayed knob standing still with their hand out.

        And then there’s the Tate Modern. It had a big celebration of Street Art on, advertised by having one side of their ginormous building decorated with edgy pieces in that style. Nice idea but it still felt kind of fake. You knew these pieces were commissioned, that they would peel off in a couple of hours and if you took so much as a stub of chalk to the same wall they’d be down on your creative arse like a ton of bricks.

        Anyway, we should have stayed outside. The inside was populated by the sort of vacuous crap that gives modern art a bad name. The only debate that is provoked is how the hell anybody is convinced to buy into this. I think I saw a Pollock that might look nice on our stairwell but then that’s just my whimsy.

        Here’s my totally scientific test to determine whether something is art. Remove the artist name and bollocksy interpretation then surround with thoughtless random crap. If the piece doesn’t stand out to a representative sample of humans then it isn’t worth the canvas. It’s a kind of aesthetic Turing test, you see.